Me. At least after what I've been through.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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