can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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