Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
