found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
the night ended with taco bell and tears
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
