I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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