I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
