How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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