So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
