what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
