Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
what day is it and did you see me today?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
