Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
i think i just lost a toe
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
