it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
