I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
