But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
