it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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