WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
