i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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