She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
