even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
this will be a night to untag.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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