Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
