shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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