My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
