You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Randomize
