3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
