It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She's the barista slut.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
