the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
