Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
