i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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