You really coming over, don't trick.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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