i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
