At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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