you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
