Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
