I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
