my shit smells like andre
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
