Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
She's JV to your varsity
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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