This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
