He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
