just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
