haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
