After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
