you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
