Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
