i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
