would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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