How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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