i think i have herpe
just one?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You peed on a flamingo?!?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
