good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
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