She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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