just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
