His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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