So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Shame - the story of my life.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
