she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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